I went back to Buddhist meditation class last night for the first time in ages.
The theme was "Love" and it gave me some real food for thought. The session leader (Annie) said a few things that have really hit home with me.
The first was on "attachment". This is not a good thing and is where one coverts objects or people for what they give you. In relationships this translates as giving love in the expectation of love in return. Rather like giving somebody some money as a present and then being disappointed in the way they spend it.
Another point was about how we project our own expectations on to others. Annie used the example of the way we select our partners and then when they don't behave how we want them to, we become anxious or angry about it - "You're not supposed to be grumpy right now - that isn't why I chose you. I'm allowed to be grumpy because that is part of me, but you're not". This was quite revelatory for me.
The final thought of Annie's that I'll share now was around how where her father lives and how the houses all have long but very narrow gardens. Everyone is busy building high fences to exclude their neighbours. The lesson here is that love is easy to give to those close to you, but needs to extend beyond that if we are to be really happy. One's neighbours might not be entirely loveable but we should find a way, without becoming a doormat, to extend it to them anyway - perhaps by gaining an understanding about why they behave the way they do. That is a real toughy and I'll have to give it some serious thought over the next week.
Anyway, it was great to meditate with others and have a discussion on love. I've missed it more than I knew.
